It never occurred to me that opening up could be so rewarding yet so punishing. Every time I tried to stifle my thoughts from slipping out my stupid mouth, her deep, honest eyes flickered in unison and suddenly, each and every bone of hesitation within me melted. Words had flown as if they were in a hurry to meet with the sea, babbling a song, splashing the agony, taking along all they could on the way. The beads of fear and anxiety that dripped along the sidelines of my messed up thoughts would dry up instantly, surprising me a little more. 2 months have passed since we met, but every time I think of her, I find myself amused at the audacity with which she had entered my life.
I stood up from the chair probably for the first time that day. I realised I hadn’t eaten anything since last two days, partly because of the work load at the bank and partly because I missed her. Food depressed me. The glass cubicle at the bank depressed me. My imagination depressed me. All that I love and cherish depressed me. And the worst part, I didn’t have any idea what was wrong with me.
This was the weirdest part of all. I’ve always had a plan for everything. I have always had an idea. My senses worked perfectly enough to tell me when something was about to go wrong. I knew my grandpa was not going to come back alive when he left to live at the ashram. “I shall be there always to guide you towards the right path kid. And do not worry if I’m not there because every decision you take will push you towards the greatness you deserve.” Those were his last words. I was 20 then. He didn’t care to bid goodbye to anyone else in the family. I missed him.
I knew it was time to let go of my step mother when I was 22, and when Dad’s business was going down, and to endure her shameless homecoming when he inaugurated his second workshop. My mom had gone away too, she just refused to return. I knew she couldn’t even if she wanted to.
I knew it was time to say goodbye to Naina long before she actually said she needed a break-up. “I’m sorry dear. I’ve given a lot of thought and I feel that we are totally incompatible.” Surely, guys with Audis and iphones would have an amazing sense of understanding and trust I suppose. I was shaken, hurt beyond I could bear.
I’m 26 now, and I’ve let them all go. Their memories have all been placed safely inside a corner in my mind. The good parts remain active in me. The bad ones lie in deep sleep, but they exist. I thought I had balanced it all perfectly. I thought the plan made me invincible. Life it seems was never in the mood to give me a go-ahead. It had tried me with grief, insult and torture and failed. So it returned for more, this time with torment, in the form of a pretty girl.
This is the first instalment in my second ever story series “Pretty Girl”. Next ones coming up soon. Cheers!!